lessons from the weekend

let me forewarn you this is alot to take in but what can i say..I'm a writer who has a lot on her mind. Let me also go on the pretense that who I talking about doesn't matter its the principal..and no not all these people are related to me.. and if you think you know who I am talking about you don't..oh and I wont tell you...

so there was a girl who by almost every one's standards was awful. She was pretty but thought she was the most gorgeous woman alive. She always said it was because she was blond and skinny..whatever. This girl an only child would often throw fits. Fits at work. Fits at home. Fits at clubs. She would cry and stomp her feet when she didn't get her away. She balled like a baby in a bar when a guy wasn't hitting on her. If you had a crush on a guy she'd be right there to take him away right in front of your face. This girl couldn't bring her to place of civility long enough to be there for her family during the most heart wrenching and joyous occasions. Yet despite it all this girl was my best friend.

There was a guy who by every one's standards flat out was a jerk. If he could use you he would and he wouldn't even blink an eye. He would flat out tell you to your face that he didn't like you and was using you.. and taking advantage of the most intimate situations to do so. but wait he was just kidding he really does love you.

There was a girl everyone thought was absolutely crazy ( and I mean that in the nicest ways) even the psychiatrists said there was little to be done other then medication. So naturally this person will often be heard calling her children (yes the ones that are suppose to be blessings) A**holes or brats for more then two hours she can be heard complaining about how motherhood was the worst job she has ever had.. sadly she is saying this to a person who going through intense fertility treatments just to have one baby and the chances of that happening are slim.

There were several girls that were saying nasty things about another girl. Because that is what 30 year old adults do. The girl was stupid, the girl was fat, why are you friends with her etc. etc. then of course there is that one guy ( or lot of guys) who happen to say wow this girl is hot.. she may be a bitch but man is she hot and thin.

I really needed help..it was a last minute thing.. there were some assumptions.. and to make a long story short help in either source never came.

A Man walks up to me says hello tells me he is a painter then proceeds to offer great "life changing" advice. yep.

There was a woman who could be heard telling her daughter that she was attractive.. and that she was as fat as her father who weighs over 400 pounds. Maybe the could even share clothes...but wait she wasn't trying to be mean

So since all this seemed to have happened in a short few days it got me thinking about somethings because hey that's what I do. I'm a thinker. So here are my thoughts.. the first being that people are who they are. There are certain people who are never going to change. It's not my fault. I cant fix them and I did nothing wrong. I spent too much time making excuses for people who are truly ugly and not well. I have spent too much begging pleading hoping they would change and trying to conform to their expectations. I would see one positive thing and that would take away the 1,000 things. I, you, we, everyone deserves to have friendships and relationships that are positive and filled with respect. Where as before every single day I was feeling bad.. because of someone Else's actions.

The second thing I learned is that when you need help.. real help and you cant find it.. if look hard enough it will come to you. There will always be that one who never lets you down. Thank you.

The third thing I thought about this weekend.. stop making assumptions and excuses. OK, let me be clear on this my world does not revolve around you. I don't spend time drooling over your hectic and busy schedule b/c I have my own. thank you. I am so sick of listening to people tell me they cant do something or go somewhere or help someone or be a friend (not you A) b/c they have children.. or because they have to hang with their boy friend or whatever. Ok.. children are a choice and a beautiful blessing that some of us would give anything to have. They are not a reason for you to behave like a jerk. You can be a mom or a girlfriend and still be fabulous and yes you can still be a friend. And I already know that someone of you (D) are going to be saying you dont get it you're not a mom so you can relate..im going to let you in on a little secret Ican totally relate and this is totally going to raise some eyebrows.. and I wont get into but there have been times in my life when I have had 2 kids in my care and that was while going to school.. and working.. I have a child I have to get up everyday too. Soon to be more than one child getting up everyday so I get it. life gets crazy and busy but at the end of the day when we lay down and talk to God we should be thanking God for our children and we should be confident in knowing that we were the best friend and neighbor we could be. When we mess up.. we should be willing to say hey Im sorry and take responsibility.

The next thing I was reminded of is when you talk badly about someone and gossip and spread awful rumors feeling get hurt and somehow that person always manages to find out. Here's the thing is you dont know who knows who.. so when you are talking bad about someone you could be talking to a friend or sister or neighbor of your target. Bad mouthing people is just disgusting and we are all guilty and we should try and avoid it. Here is what really bugs me.. One I have a huge problem when people say negative things about me when they dont even know me.. and what they do know about me you have heard when someone was mad at me or was venting their frustrations about me. Maybe your mad because Igot him first..or that my friend is your friend. I dont really know.. I do know im just going to keep being me Im a very direct person (w/ the exception of towards a few people) and if i did something to you call me out on it but how I could I have done anything to you since it has been years since I have even seen you.. but to talk your buddies about what a horrible person I am when your buddies are my friends and one a former bf what did you think would happen? Im just saying. Not cool.

This other girl came up to me and admitted that she didnt like me b/c she was jealous. She said was sick of me being in the spotlight, being on tv.. ok. What? im not quite sure what she was talking about but let me just clear up some things...and this is exactly what I told her. I have only been in 3 magazines.. and on tv 3 times...not going to Hollywood anytime soon.

OK.. here is yet another thing that has gotten to me and I am not trying to be cynical really I am not and I apologize for the satirical approach this has taken. But one thing that really bugs me and has happened since I can remember. Why if someone is mean and awful do we flock to them and think they are cool or hot just because they are thin? They can be dumber then a box of rocks (and remember Im talking in general terms) doesnt matter. We try to impress these people and these are the ones that we strive to have as friends.You may not agree.. but think about it.. there was M, D, J.. the list could go on and on. We make excuses for people who treat others like garbage just because they have a great body. You dont even have to have a pretty face anymore. Some of us get so wrapped up in trying to impress the "cool kids" we end up hurting our best friends.J says its because we are visual people especially guys.. and I get that but what happened to wanting to be friends with people who kind and caring? what happened to thinking someone who is smart and ambitious is sexy? when are we going to judge people based on their character and their productivity as a citizen?sigh. Let me just say I (and hey Im biased) think curves are sexy. Not talking about weight and health cause thats a whole different conversation that honestly I am too emotional today to have but curves are sexy. Some of us will never be stick thin (wray women example will always have hips its in the dna) but just because you are not a waif... and not a snob doesnt mean you are any less deserving of friendship.

let me just say this.. If you are my friend, I love you. I love and give with my whole heart. I am a very passionate and sensitive person. I want to be there to lift you up and encourage you but I cant if you dont let me. One thing I want to do is protect and defend my friends. and this is just me but if my friend was being hurt by people who were malicious I would be upset. If my friend was a target or was treated badly because of girls who wanted to prove their worthiness through sexual conquests the last thing I would be doing is hanging out with the culprit. Im just saying. Sadly, if someone is talking about your friend or treating your friend badly who is to say they wont do they same to you? I hate to be the one in the position of I told you so.

There was a girl 18 years ago now that had 2 best friends. These best friends hated each other. Friend A was chubby and sweet and had only a few close friends by all accounts. Friend B was thin, but was not so sweet. She had been known to start rumors and had gotten suspended once or twice. Yet she was very popular. One day Friend B says to her best friend..lets make friend A miserable. SO together they did. They would play ding dong ditch, leave drawings of pigs on the door step with nasty messages. They would call friend A's answering machine and call her a whore and tell her she was ugly. Eventually Friend B turned on her best friend. doing the exact same horrible thing to her as was done to friend A. Do you know that almost 20 years later friend A is still getting apologies from that best friend? Do you know that this girl has spent almost 20 years not feeling good or worthy enough?

If you think your words don't matter.. they do. That girl who's mom told her she was unattractive little does anyone know that this particular girl is an anorexic who will now spend admittedly the next 6 months self loathing crash dieting and starving before checking back into treatment.

So just to recap...it is not your fault that some people are they way they are, your actions and words affect others in ways you may not understand and rumors can hurt people for years. Take some responsibility for your actions. Just because someone is different from you or leads a different lifestyle does not mean that you have the right to judge them or make assumptions. Love yourself and your family. You are special, You are good enough and You are worthy enough. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is that you are good enough for God. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean that they are worthy of your friendship. Nice people can do really mean things. You deserve to surround yourself with people who will respect you and your friends. Finally, love that body and don't be scared to shake what you got. till next time-xox

A testiment to faith

So.. I am a sports junkie as many of you know. I was watching Real Sports with Bryan Gumbel when I came upon one of the most touching stories I have heard in a long time. This is the place i want to get to in my life. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
Tim Lewis is a 52 African American living in Compton. If you know anything about Compton, CA it is impoverished to say the least. This is a place that is the epitome of depravity and despair. guns, violence, drugs, sex, not exactly the place for a bunch of little leaguers to learn the game of baseball. Yet after 30 years, Tim Lewis changed that. He single hand idly is responsible for returning baseball to Compton. Despite the fact that Mr. Lewis' life was less then ideal. He is homeless, living out of a van, a former drug abuser a victim of a culture that glamorized the hustle in the inner city. Despite waking up everyday in a van he got up went to the park and asked God to you him to make a difference. He admits he would pray to God thanking him for all his blessings that he has an opportunity to worship him. God heard his cry to be a servant and has used him to start up a team where children had never played outside because it wasn't safe. While some great hall of famers have come from Compton most of those wont go on to play in the majors. Yet, they are learning teamwork, compassion, respect, perseverance and dedication to your self friends and God all because of one man. He coaches them, and piles all of his little leaugers in his van on the mattress that is his bed. I am amazed. I am amazed on many accounts. One how God really does listen to us and wants to use us and will defy our expectations if all we do is ask. All it takes is one person to coach children towards Christ. How many times when bad things happen to us and we are quick to get mad at God and turn away? How many of can say when we have nothing Thank You God? Being homeless can really take its toll on the spirit. You are embarrassed, ashamed and people look down on you with disgust. I can tell you from my own experience when I was homeless, I was thanking God for my sanctuary or asking God to use me. In my darkest days I wasn't focused on being a servant. We often sing songs about thanking God in church no matter what but it is really easy to sing the song and a lot harder to put it into action. Just something to think about. God's Blessings don't always come in a typical package, and the fact that we have a God who loves us is enough to sing blessings for endless days. It just goes to show God wants to use you, and me but he also wants to use the abused, broken, the homeless, the drug addict, the prostuite and all those people that so many look down. Jesus raises them up. So thank you Jesus for Tim Lewis and using him to minister and inspire so many others.

i just need to say this

I know that I am a tough pill to swallow sometimes. I know that sometimes I am intimidating. I am brash and can be a bit intense. But guess what? No one will ever say that am not genuine. You will know where you stand with me. I either like you or I don't. Which i can say that most people are on my like lists. however, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people lie and dishonest. You do not have to lie, exaggerate, tell stories to kick it. Its even more annoying when I catch you fibbing. I am a smart girl and i find it very interesting that people usually lie about something that doesn't even matter. If I like you it is because of who you are. You don't need to take on a hobby or have an interest because it is something i like. Be you and when you make a mistake or tell a lie and get caught why not fess up? don't pretend to be something you are not, that is almost obvious and unattractive.
Furthermore, I am not the "other" girl. I don't say that in terms of a sexual thing but I am saying i don't want to be that one you text because you have nothing Else better to do, no one cooler to talk to so you settle for me? really? no thanks.
One last little vent, people assume that my kindness, and Patience is never ending. While my politeness maybe never ending, and I am a kind person and I am forgiving I also don't take lightly people lying, treating me with disregard or assuming they can pop back in my life when it is convenient and pop right back out when its not. my life is crazy, chronic, tragic, and heart breaking yet very beautiful. Yet when i get to a point with you where I am done, I'm done especially after the few months and really several years i have had. And when I am done no call from your mother, your aunt bobby sue from Arkansas or anyone else will change that. all I am saying is why you love me the way i love you? and why cant you treat me the way i treat you? Why cant you support me the way i supported you even if i didn't agree with you or knew you were totally in the wrong? The worst part of it all is when I am praying for you I'm not even on your radar and while I am in the universe wishing you wellness where are you? I'm not saying I do things because I want recognition, or that i pray for people so that will pray for me. I try to support and encourage people because I love them. Interestingly though when people realize what they have it is often too late. My heart is no exception to that rule and at some point i need to change my path.