for all you control freaks

let me let you (or most of you)in on a little secret. I may be messy, and disorganized but I am a planner. Completely type A about alot of things. Since I was 3.5 years old I was making lists. lists of words in the dictionary.Lists of people who were always going to be my best friends, lists of who I was going to marry (and yes that often changed since I was known for being a serial dater) lists of where I was going to go school, when I was going to be a doctor (yes even at 3 I knew I was going to be a doctor one day..lol) the lists could go on and remain continuous. Even right now if I could plan every day for the next 8 years I would. Im an over analytical control nut, it just doesnt come out to very many people. So i thought I had it all figured out ( and sometimes still do think i have it all planned and calculated) My thought had/has/occasionally will be that if you work hard push yourself hard enough,or are willing to work and lay on that abundance of charm everything will go exactly how it should be according to list #292. What happens when it doesnt? What happens when your best friend is murdered by some idiot out seeking thrills, what happens when the thing you want in the entire world is gone in the blink of an eye and your left with the few miserable pieces? What happens when the person you trusted cant stand you for all the things you have done? What happens when the 2 or 3 people you never thought you would need to make a list about are set out with every intention on destroying you on every possible level? well the answer is simple God happens. You can make 10,000 lists and day dream about what you will be making for dinner in 2019 (ok.. so i wasnt that neurotic )but the point is at the end of a day those lists do not matter. God is control the car and he is working through his lists and plans and Im pretty sure that he knows what he is doing. The beauty of prayer and divine intervention is that while it can be surprising it is totally worth letting go of some of that control. not that letting go is totally easy. So the next time I find my self giggling like a school girl to nicole at 7 AM.. or find myself wrapped up in heart break or find myself loving someone again after all these years or one suddenly has surprise baby news.. or finds forgiveness down the road just remember God knows what he is doing and it is all based on love. So I literally am going to go throw some of those lists away and be pleasantly surprised by expecting the unexpected. thats it.. now time to throw those lists away and get ready to have a "dance party" with my brother.(which btw the I know you cant wait to see our video..lol) xox